Stuff i'd love to learn

I'm really happy that i could express myself musically, it's a really beautiful way to express myself and create things along with telling many stories and ideas. However, there are many more things i'd like to learn, but i really struggle with. Here are some of them

Well... i already kind of do, by the merits of making this entire site, although i did repurpose code from other places and all. However what i mean is learning to actually do programs, especially stuff like game development and audio plugin work. Unfortunately when i tried to learn programming i just couldn't, i got lost and confused due to all the concepts and everything i had to learn and process which is not something my autistic brain can handle at once when it's not something it finds particularly engaging at first.
I did learn some Python when i used to go to university years ago, but i since dropped out and eventually forgot most of the language x3.
Also i remember the many times i tried to do gamedev stuff when i was younger, only to end up in failure because i didn't knew i was doing.

I always wanted to express myself within the painters' realm. The problem is that my drawings suck in general, mostly because i haven't practised drawing in years and never put serious work in it.
When I was a teen and wanted to learn drawing unfortunately cringe culture was as it peak so if i tried to pursue drawing i would probably end up harassed just for making amaetur looking art, and now that I'm older i feel even mode demotivated due to the fucking scrouge that is AI art.
Still, many people told me to try it on my own, that such shit will never replicate authentic expression at least not for 50 years.

I haven't figured that one yet, like it's so fucking comples and full of so much complex and unpredictable shit in general. You just can't master life at all